Loyalty vs. Faithfulness

Is there a difference between Loyal and Faithful; or are they two sides to the same coin?

Can someone be loyal without being faithful, or faithful without being loyal?

loyal vs faithful
Loyal and faithful are words in English language that have similar meaning. Many people use these words interchangeably as if these words are synonymous. Though the two words are used in place of one another in many contexts and hold subtle differences.

If you look in the dictionary, both ‘faithful’ and ‘loyal’ show very similar definitions, even showing that the two words are relatively interchangeable.

Loyal: Faithful to one’s sovereign, government, commitments, obligations. Faithful to a leader, party, cause or to any person or thing conceived as deserving fidelity, vows or allegiances.

Faithful: Loyal, constant, reliable, trusted, true to one’s word, promises, vows, obligation and allegiances.

Loyalty is earned through past kindness, friendship, experiences and commitments that have been laid out in the past. You become loyal to a brand or product because it showed its quality, just as you are loyal to individuals in your life, based on the experiences you’ve been through together. It is our capacity for loyalty that binds us together.

Faithfulness, is what reaches back to us from the future. Faithfulness is based on a promise or a hope, it hasn’t happened yet, you need believe that it will. We cannot live solely for the sake of what has been, but for the hopeful vision of what can be, what will be… that hopeful vision is Faith, what is still to come.

So, apply that back to my original question, the answer is YES, there’s a difference between Loyal and Faithful. Loyalty is what has been earned based on the past, Faithfulness is the hope for the future. Now, can someone be ‘loyal’ without being ‘faithful’; yes, again. You can have loyalty to someone, based on their past dedications to you, while simultaneously believing that that they may not be capable of being faithful in the future. Just as such, you can believe that someone can be faithful, in the future, without ever having a past loyalty to them.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, my life seems to be in a constant state of mess, and I have a lot of doubts for my future. These doubts have led me to down the rabbit hole, which is what has prompted this post. I question the loyalty and faithfulness of my relationship. I know that my SO is ‘loyal’ to this family, will do anything that needs to be done. I know that I can call on him when I need help, if our son needs something, he does it… I have no doubts whatsoever that in the event of need, he will be there, he is ‘loyal’ to us. I am almost 100% certain however, that he’s not ‘faithful’ to us. I don’t believe that it is within his capacity to be ‘faithful’. He is incredibly narcissistic and requires a lot of validation. That narcissism often drives him to find validation and attention in places that would be considered ‘inappropriate’ by most people. Which then begs the question, should it matter? If you know that you can count on someone 100% to be there when you need them, to share the day to day obligations of your life, is it important whether they may not be 100% faithful? I’m finding that loyalty doesn’t have a gray area… it’s black or white, you’re either loyal or you’re not; while faithfulness has a multitude of gray shades. What one might consider infidelity, another may not.

Technology and social media have made it so easy for people to present themselves in any way they want to be seen. It has turned the better portion of society into narcists, constantly seeking likes, hearts, views. Only ever presenting the very best version of ourselves that we want the public to see. When in reality the truth is we are not filtered or glittered, angled, groomed or made up 99% of the time. We have all become so encompassed by what other people think of us, that we have forgotten the value of loyalty and faithfulness. These two words again, are so different, but yet the same. Why do we allow these ‘inappropriate’ actions create doubt in our relationships? Social Media likes, are today’s modern, “look buy don’t touch” – Shouldn’t the earned actions of past loyalty hold more weight than the doubt of faithfulness brought on by a false reality of people we don’t even know?

I honestly don’t know the answer, I don’t know if one is more important than the other, I don’t know if I even care. I do think that what is important to one person won’t matter to another. I do know that I value the loyalty of those in my life. I know that proven behavior of consistency and reliability of their allegiances holds more weight than trying to predict someone’s future behaviors.

As adults, we have the ability to design the life we want, no two friendships, no two relationships, are the same.  We all possess free will, to choose what we allow for ourselves. While I see myself as both a loyal and faithful person, that doesn’t mean that my SO or my friends are. It’s a matter of comfort. Ultimately, what am I willing to accept for my life? Maybe I’m okay with only having loyalty, and leaving faithfulness in the gray area.

Like I said, a rabbit hole…

rabbit hole

 

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Truth is… I’m tired

A song came on today, Tamala Mann, Take me to the King, and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. As moms, we hide so much about what is really going on with us, to maintain a strong front for those we care for, and seriously… TRUTH IS… I’M TIRED… I’m so tired, tired of putting a fake smile, tired of powering through each day, barely hanging on by my fingernails, tired of fixing things that just need to be thrown away, tired of fighting all the time, tired of crying all the time…. I’m T.I.R.E.D!!!! 
But, as any mom knows… being tired, doesn’t change all the things that still need to be taken care of, we power through, not because we “have” to, but because we’re moms! We put on smiles, and we play silly games with 

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our kids and we fix the things that should be thrown away, because that’s just what we do. Mom’s don’t have time for meltdowns or downtime, it’s never downtime when you’re a mom… you have to be on the ball 24/7 – and not just “on the ball” but you’re balancing on that ball by one foot, a handful of dishes and pots and pans from making dinner in one hand, and stacks of mail that hasn’t been addressed in the other, all while trying to check your email or update your social media with the latest cute picture of your family, and a dog is barking and your kid pulling on the edge of your shirt, while he’s trying to wipe his nose on you, and STILL…. WE SMILE!!! 
Through our smile, we are gritting our teeth, trying desperately not to strangle our spouses/partners, or yell at our children for just being children, or pull out our own hair… but truth is… WE ARE TIRED!!! You are not alone Momma! We are all tired!! 
I have come to the realization lately, that I have NO CONTROL over anything that happens and I literally have to just smile through the crap and laugh like I should be committed, because I literally CAN… NOT… control anything anymore. I don’t give a flying crap, if my house is a mess anymore. I have a 22 month old BOY!!!! He’s a one person wrecking ball, not matter how many times I go behind him and pick up… and he’s learned to climb my kitchen counters, and while this give me a heart attack – he thinks it’s HILARIOUS! He also seems to think watching Moana or Trolls for the 247th time, is still entertainment… while I on the other hand could perform a one woman show of either movie… BUT, despite all of this… and being so tired I can barely function… I prevail, I get up every morning and do it all over again… I have no idea how, I have no idea where the strength to just keep moving comes from, but it’s there… and the ONLY thing I can contribute it to, is that I’m a mom… What other choice is there???? If you’re like me, and you’re tired… You are not alone… we can cling to this life by our fingernails together, and we can fake smile together, and we can ugly cry in our showers (well, not together, but you get it)
I have a faith in God, that allows me to do all these things, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it… Even when I have no idea what to pray for, even when I want to give up, I hold on to my faith, and the song I’m sharing with you, is my every day plea, to keep turning to God when things are unimaginable and I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so tired I can’t do anything else. I hope you enjoy!
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Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart is torn in pieces, It’s my offering. Take me to the king.
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few, I’m trying to pray, But where are you? I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused, I can’t fake, What’s left to do? Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight, No tears to cry, Even if I tried, But still my soul, Refuses to die, One touch-will change-my life.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Please take me to the king, Truth is it’s time, To stop playing these games, We need a word, For the people’s pain, So lord speak right now, Let it fall like rain, We’re desperate, We’re chasing after you, No rules, no religion ,I’ve made my decision, To run to you, The healer that I need.
 
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And to sing to you this song, Take me to the, Lord we’re in the way ,We keep making mistakes, Glory is not for us. Its all for you
 
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart’s torn to pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone. To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Take me to the king!

Dear Struggling Unicorn Mom

Dear Unicorn Moms,

I know that I am not the only one out there, that struggles and constantly feels exhausted. One of my favorite “Unicorn, Truth-Bomb” Mom’s Kristina Kuzmic, recently put a video out about this exact topic.


I am one of these moms. I ride the struggle bus, I am exhausted, and I am scared of messing up, EVERY DAY! My family is going through a struggle that I wouldn’t wish on any parent, d8c956c45ee485b31f7ddcad315155f1--wise-words-so-truestep-parent or guardian. It’s exhausting, and I second guess every decision I make. I question whether, my pursuant of our situation is the right thing for this family or if we are causing more damage. I must put a lot of faith in my God, that he’s guiding me to make the best decisions possible for my family. I feel like I’m holding a rope that’s burning from both ends and that I might break out in uncontrollable tears at any moment. However, I also know, that like any good mother… we fight back those feelings of falling apart, to put on a good front for our family, to show how strong we are, that we “Got This” – that they don’t need to worry about anything, because “Momma has this handled” – well guess what??? Momma doesn’t know what the holy hell she’s doing. BOOM! There it is… I am blowing up our whole secret, most of us have NO IDEA, WHAT WE ARE DOING… and those of you that have it all figured out, you deserve a freaking metal, and please swing by my house and shed some insight for me, because I would love the help. Instead, I’m going to continue making split moment decisions, hoping they are the right choices for everyone, and making sure my son and step daughter are well provided for, fed, clothed, bathed… and hope that even when they are raging mad at me, and throwing tantrums or refusing to hear me, that one day they will look back on all this moment to moment chaos and realize, I truly did my very best for them, and that I loved them with my entire heart every moment of every day despite the struggles. Let’s face it, that’s all any of us can do as parents, we have one job, to love and care for our kids and make sure they have what they “NEED” (not want) in life to make them successful human beings. imagesMoral of this rant, we need to stop comparing ourselves to moms that look like they have it all together, because everyone one of us have struggles… and we need to stop mom shaming when we think a mom is not doing it right… she might be holding on by a threat in that moment you see her. Offer any help, to a fellow mom, if you know she’s struggling, most of us moms are too proud to admit we need the help and would love for someone to just come to the rescue without us asking. Take care of one another, this mom thing is HARD, raising humans is HARD, and we all need someone to help us sometimes.

~ Hot Mess Unicorn Mom