Truth is… I’m tired

A song came on today, Tamala Mann, Take me to the King, and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. As moms, we hide so much about what is really going on with us, to maintain a strong front for those we care for, and seriously… TRUTH IS… I’M TIRED… I’m so tired, tired of putting a fake smile, tired of powering through each day, barely hanging on by my fingernails, tired of fixing things that just need to be thrown away, tired of fighting all the time, tired of crying all the time…. I’m T.I.R.E.D!!!! 
But, as any mom knows… being tired, doesn’t change all the things that still need to be taken care of, we power through, not because we “have” to, but because we’re moms! We put on smiles, and we play silly games with 

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our kids and we fix the things that should be thrown away, because that’s just what we do. Mom’s don’t have time for meltdowns or downtime, it’s never downtime when you’re a mom… you have to be on the ball 24/7 – and not just “on the ball” but you’re balancing on that ball by one foot, a handful of dishes and pots and pans from making dinner in one hand, and stacks of mail that hasn’t been addressed in the other, all while trying to check your email or update your social media with the latest cute picture of your family, and a dog is barking and your kid pulling on the edge of your shirt, while he’s trying to wipe his nose on you, and STILL…. WE SMILE!!! 
Through our smile, we are gritting our teeth, trying desperately not to strangle our spouses/partners, or yell at our children for just being children, or pull out our own hair… but truth is… WE ARE TIRED!!! You are not alone Momma! We are all tired!! 
I have come to the realization lately, that I have NO CONTROL over anything that happens and I literally have to just smile through the crap and laugh like I should be committed, because I literally CAN… NOT… control anything anymore. I don’t give a flying crap, if my house is a mess anymore. I have a 22 month old BOY!!!! He’s a one person wrecking ball, not matter how many times I go behind him and pick up… and he’s learned to climb my kitchen counters, and while this give me a heart attack – he thinks it’s HILARIOUS! He also seems to think watching Moana or Trolls for the 247th time, is still entertainment… while I on the other hand could perform a one woman show of either movie… BUT, despite all of this… and being so tired I can barely function… I prevail, I get up every morning and do it all over again… I have no idea how, I have no idea where the strength to just keep moving comes from, but it’s there… and the ONLY thing I can contribute it to, is that I’m a mom… What other choice is there???? If you’re like me, and you’re tired… You are not alone… we can cling to this life by our fingernails together, and we can fake smile together, and we can ugly cry in our showers (well, not together, but you get it)
I have a faith in God, that allows me to do all these things, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it… Even when I have no idea what to pray for, even when I want to give up, I hold on to my faith, and the song I’m sharing with you, is my every day plea, to keep turning to God when things are unimaginable and I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so tired I can’t do anything else. I hope you enjoy!
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Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart is torn in pieces, It’s my offering. Take me to the king.
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few, I’m trying to pray, But where are you? I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused, I can’t fake, What’s left to do? Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight, No tears to cry, Even if I tried, But still my soul, Refuses to die, One touch-will change-my life.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Please take me to the king, Truth is it’s time, To stop playing these games, We need a word, For the people’s pain, So lord speak right now, Let it fall like rain, We’re desperate, We’re chasing after you, No rules, no religion ,I’ve made my decision, To run to you, The healer that I need.
 
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And to sing to you this song, Take me to the, Lord we’re in the way ,We keep making mistakes, Glory is not for us. Its all for you
 
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart’s torn to pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone. To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Take me to the king!
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Feel Good Friday

We’re going to start a “Feel Good Friday” – I don’t really know yet, what that’s going to look like every week, but I can assure you, it’ll be something that makes me happy. This week, I’m choosing music. Here are a few of my radio blasters these days. Enjoy!

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Jax Jones – You Don’t Know Me

Duke Dumont – Ocean Drive

Mr. Probz – Fine Ass Mess

Yuna ft. Usher – Crush

Tritonal – Stranger

Lost Kings – Phone Down

Dirty South ft. Rudy –
Find A Way

R.LUM.R – Frustrated

Love Thoughts

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. I think it’s easy when you’re young, you hope that this person or that person will be the right one, the one you are going to love forever, but this is almost NEVER the case, usually because you wish something up so much in your head that you turn it into something it’s not. The first guy I ever loved was someone I knew in the seventh grade. We talked about boating and spending the summers on Lake Erie; he was my first ‘real’ kiss. The last guy I love will be someone I maybe haven’t even met yet.  324444-love-ballons

All of these loves count. Then there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. They are the ones that will tear your heart apart and they are the ones that will put it back together. They are the ones who change you with each of their encounters. I feel like I’m in the middle of one of these loves now. This love is changing my life every day, it’s changing my perspective sometimes for the better. This love is teaching me patience and tolerance. This love is testing every last nerve I have and makes me feel like I’m going insane.

Then there’s one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes the definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but this person is the end all, be all to how you love and view love and accept love. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you want love to be, the person who defines your understanding of love and they are inherently different from anyone else. They’re often the person you happen to meet and in your first encounter you know you really want to love that person. They are the one you will spend the rest of your life, controlled by how you feel about everyone else. The person that you never stop wondering about long after they are gone.

Welcome to the Mess

Welcome to the mess…. Or better yet… MY MESS. This constant whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty.

I’m sure you’re ready to click off this page already, but hopefully you’ll stick around. I promise it’ll get more interesting…  

I am starting this as something therapeutic; an outlet to my mental chaos, but to do that, I should probably tell you a bit about myself. I’m Lo, full time working, mommy to the most AMAZING little boy, (yes, I know I’m bias), I’m a full-time partner, friend, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, aunt… and a full-time mess. I live in the most beautiful mess anyone could ask for.

Not unlike most people, we have our struggles. Relationships, parenting, working full-time…. That shit is HARD.  I’m not here to sugar coat it or try to convince you otherwise… I just want a place to vent it out and hopefully, you find some solace in the fact that you aren’t alone, even if you feel like you’re the only one out there going through whatever life is throwing at you.

Back in the day, I wrote and maintained a successful blog. This was back when I thought I had a lot to say and in reality, someone should’ve told me to go sit down somewhere and just shut up. To be honest, I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I was talking about. I’m hoping this turns out differently. While I try my best these days to maintain a positive outlook and “stay on the high road” way of thinking, I’m not perfect by any means. I drop the F-bomb like it’s going out of style, and some days I have no patience and I yell at my kid. Some days my house is a disaster and the laundry is piled up and the only thing on my agenda is sitting on the couch…  and no fucks are given…. AT ALL.

I have a pretty tumultuous relationship with the father of my son. While I feel in my heart of hearts that he is probably the love of my life… The man drives me fucking crazy on a regular basis. He is the MOST AMAZING Father to our son and to his daughter. Are parenting styles are COMPLETELY different, I’m super structured and he’s totally not. I like schedules and he just goes with the flow. I like order and he leaves everything everywhere. I think this is on purpose most times, like a mind game he likes to play with me to see how far he’ll push me before I completely snap, just so he can call me crazy. I’m on to him though.

Let’s all just be honest with ourselves for a moment, we’re all just trying to be the best version of ourselves that we can, and none of us really has any clue what the fuck we’re doing and that is OKAY!!!! Take this journey with me while I try to navigate motherhood, working, being healthier and just LIFE. Let’s face it, aren’t we all just a little bit of a hot mess, we all need a strong cocktail once in a while and someone to vent all our mommy-hood BS to. Xo – LoPresentation1