We’re going to start a “Feel Good Friday” – I don’t really know yet, what that’s going to look like every week, but I can assure you, it’ll be something that makes me happy. This week, I’m choosing music. Here are a few of my radio blasters these days. Enjoy!
Jax Jones – You Don’t Know Me
Duke Dumont – Ocean Drive
Mr. Probz – Fine Ass Mess
Yuna ft. Usher – Crush
Tritonal – Stranger
Lost Kings – Phone Down
Dirty South ft. Rudy –
Find A Way
R.LUM.R – Frustrated
We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. I think it’s easy when you’re young, you hope that this person or that person will be the right one, the one you are going to love forever, but this is almost NEVER the case, usually because you wish something up so much in your head that you turn it into something it’s not. The first guy I ever loved was someone I knew in the seventh grade. We talked about boating and spending the summers on Lake Erie; he was my first ‘real’ kiss. The last guy I love will be someone I maybe haven’t even met yet.
All of these loves count. Then there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. They are the ones that will tear your heart apart and they are the ones that will put it back together. They are the ones who change you with each of their encounters. I feel like I’m in the middle of one of these loves now. This love is changing my life every day, it’s changing my perspective sometimes for the better. This love is teaching me patience and tolerance. This love is testing every last nerve I have and makes me feel like I’m going insane.
Then there’s one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes the definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but this person is the end all, be all to how you love and view love and accept love. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you want love to be, the person who defines your understanding of love and they are inherently different from anyone else. They’re often the person you happen to meet and in your first encounter you know you really want to love that person. They are the one you will spend the rest of your life, controlled by how you feel about everyone else. The person that you never stop wondering about long after they are gone.
Welcome to the mess…. Or better yet… MY MESS. This constant whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty.
I’m sure you’re ready to click off this page already, but hopefully you’ll stick around. I promise it’ll get more interesting…
I am starting this as something therapeutic; an outlet to my mental chaos, but to do that, I should probably tell you a bit about myself. I’m Lo, full time working, mommy to the most AMAZING little boy, (yes, I know I’m bias), I’m a full-time partner, friend, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, aunt… and a full-time mess. I live in the most beautiful mess anyone could ask for.
Not unlike most people, we have our struggles. Relationships, parenting, working full-time…. That shit is HARD. I’m not here to sugar coat it or try to convince you otherwise… I just want a place to vent it out and hopefully, you find some solace in the fact that you aren’t alone, even if you feel like you’re the only one out there going through whatever life is throwing at you.
Back in the day, I wrote and maintained a successful blog. This was back when I thought I had a lot to say and in reality, someone should’ve told me to go sit down somewhere and just shut up. To be honest, I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I was talking about. I’m hoping this turns out differently. While I try my best these days to maintain a positive outlook and “stay on the high road” way of thinking, I’m not perfect by any means. I drop the F-bomb like it’s going out of style, and some days I have no patience and I yell at my kid. Some days my house is a disaster and the laundry is piled up and the only thing on my agenda is sitting on the couch… and no fucks are given…. AT ALL.
I have a pretty tumultuous relationship with the father of my son. While I feel in my heart of hearts that he is probably the love of my life… The man drives me fucking crazy on a regular basis. He is the MOST AMAZING Father to our son and to his daughter. Are parenting styles are COMPLETELY different, I’m super structured and he’s totally not. I like schedules and he just goes with the flow. I like order and he leaves everything everywhere. I think this is on purpose most times, like a mind game he likes to play with me to see how far he’ll push me before I completely snap, just so he can call me crazy. I’m on to him though.
Let’s all just be honest with ourselves for a moment, we’re all just trying to be the best version of ourselves that we can, and none of us really has any clue what the fuck we’re doing and that is OKAY!!!! Take this journey with me while I try to navigate motherhood, working, being healthier and just LIFE. Let’s face it, aren’t we all just a little bit of a hot mess, we all need a strong cocktail once in a while and someone to vent all our mommy-hood BS to. Xo – Lo