Truth is… I’m tired

A song came on today, Tamala Mann, Take me to the King, and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. As moms, we hide so much about what is really going on with us, to maintain a strong front for those we care for, and seriously… TRUTH IS… I’M TIRED… I’m so tired, tired of putting a fake smile, tired of powering through each day, barely hanging on by my fingernails, tired of fixing things that just need to be thrown away, tired of fighting all the time, tired of crying all the time…. I’m T.I.R.E.D!!!! 
But, as any mom knows… being tired, doesn’t change all the things that still need to be taken care of, we power through, not because we “have” to, but because we’re moms! We put on smiles, and we play silly games with 

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our kids and we fix the things that should be thrown away, because that’s just what we do. Mom’s don’t have time for meltdowns or downtime, it’s never downtime when you’re a mom… you have to be on the ball 24/7 – and not just “on the ball” but you’re balancing on that ball by one foot, a handful of dishes and pots and pans from making dinner in one hand, and stacks of mail that hasn’t been addressed in the other, all while trying to check your email or update your social media with the latest cute picture of your family, and a dog is barking and your kid pulling on the edge of your shirt, while he’s trying to wipe his nose on you, and STILL…. WE SMILE!!! 
Through our smile, we are gritting our teeth, trying desperately not to strangle our spouses/partners, or yell at our children for just being children, or pull out our own hair… but truth is… WE ARE TIRED!!! You are not alone Momma! We are all tired!! 
I have come to the realization lately, that I have NO CONTROL over anything that happens and I literally have to just smile through the crap and laugh like I should be committed, because I literally CAN… NOT… control anything anymore. I don’t give a flying crap, if my house is a mess anymore. I have a 22 month old BOY!!!! He’s a one person wrecking ball, not matter how many times I go behind him and pick up… and he’s learned to climb my kitchen counters, and while this give me a heart attack – he thinks it’s HILARIOUS! He also seems to think watching Moana or Trolls for the 247th time, is still entertainment… while I on the other hand could perform a one woman show of either movie… BUT, despite all of this… and being so tired I can barely function… I prevail, I get up every morning and do it all over again… I have no idea how, I have no idea where the strength to just keep moving comes from, but it’s there… and the ONLY thing I can contribute it to, is that I’m a mom… What other choice is there???? If you’re like me, and you’re tired… You are not alone… we can cling to this life by our fingernails together, and we can fake smile together, and we can ugly cry in our showers (well, not together, but you get it)
I have a faith in God, that allows me to do all these things, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it… Even when I have no idea what to pray for, even when I want to give up, I hold on to my faith, and the song I’m sharing with you, is my every day plea, to keep turning to God when things are unimaginable and I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so tired I can’t do anything else. I hope you enjoy!
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Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart is torn in pieces, It’s my offering. Take me to the king.
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few, I’m trying to pray, But where are you? I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused, I can’t fake, What’s left to do? Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight, No tears to cry, Even if I tried, But still my soul, Refuses to die, One touch-will change-my life.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Please take me to the king, Truth is it’s time, To stop playing these games, We need a word, For the people’s pain, So lord speak right now, Let it fall like rain, We’re desperate, We’re chasing after you, No rules, no religion ,I’ve made my decision, To run to you, The healer that I need.
 
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And to sing to you this song, Take me to the, Lord we’re in the way ,We keep making mistakes, Glory is not for us. Its all for you
 
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart’s torn to pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone. To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Take me to the king!
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Yea, He’s Cute… NOW

OMG, HE’S SO CUTE!!!! NOW!

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Everyone comments on my son’s beautiful skin, his adorable curls. But I ask you this–what about when he’s 25, and his skin gets darker and his curls get tighter… what if he’s wearing baggy pants, maybe a hoodie or a baseball cap… will you lock your car doors or cross the street if he’s heading in your direction? Will you embrace and welcome him when he’s a full grown black man? Will you value his life the same way you value mine [as a white woman] Or like his Dad’s… [a black man] who gets pulled over for “following too closely” (at a stoplight) or for doing 3 miles per hour over the speed limit. il_340x270.1247147065_i4owWill you smile and take his ID and insurance card like you do mine? Or will you ask if he has warrants before even asking for his license, like his Dad? Will you make him get out of the car to check if it’s stolen? Will you shoot him if he gets an attitude… or while he’s handcuffed? When you see him on the street with his black friends, will you feel the same as when you see a group of white men? Will my son still be cute to you then? Will his life be as precious to you then as it is now, while he’s deemed harmless and not intimidating? Think about the human beings you are judging. Think about them being someone’s sweet baby, someone’s brother or sister, someone’s nephew or niece. LripVX6w.jpgThis is not about just Police. This is about all of us and how we shape our opinions and views of the world and its people. Our children are watching. I have the privilege of knowing some selfless, brave and admirable police officers. I respect them and trust them with my safety and that of my family. I know that one bad egg doesn’t ruin the whole dozen. This is a real, systemic problem that has started at home for each of us. Human beings need to be held accountable, police are no exception as they too, are human. So when you scroll past the inevitable stream of media regarding another white officer shooting a black man, or any ethnic, religious, or LGBT group that’s been targeted by hate crimes, I ask you to look inward and pay attention. My son needs your love not your ignorance, your compassion not your judgement. Have courage to stand next to someone who is fighting this very real battle for understanding, hug someone who is struggling from the pain and injustices they have faced. You might think, it’s not you, it’s not your family… but what if it were? Would you still stand by silently and let “someone else deal with it” or would you do everything within your power to change it for someone you care about?

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