Truth is… I’m tired

A song came on today, Tamala Mann, Take me to the King, and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. As moms, we hide so much about what is really going on with us, to maintain a strong front for those we care for, and seriously… TRUTH IS… I’M TIRED… I’m so tired, tired of putting a fake smile, tired of powering through each day, barely hanging on by my fingernails, tired of fixing things that just need to be thrown away, tired of fighting all the time, tired of crying all the time…. I’m T.I.R.E.D!!!! 
But, as any mom knows… being tired, doesn’t change all the things that still need to be taken care of, we power through, not because we “have” to, but because we’re moms! We put on smiles, and we play silly games with 

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our kids and we fix the things that should be thrown away, because that’s just what we do. Mom’s don’t have time for meltdowns or downtime, it’s never downtime when you’re a mom… you have to be on the ball 24/7 – and not just “on the ball” but you’re balancing on that ball by one foot, a handful of dishes and pots and pans from making dinner in one hand, and stacks of mail that hasn’t been addressed in the other, all while trying to check your email or update your social media with the latest cute picture of your family, and a dog is barking and your kid pulling on the edge of your shirt, while he’s trying to wipe his nose on you, and STILL…. WE SMILE!!! 
Through our smile, we are gritting our teeth, trying desperately not to strangle our spouses/partners, or yell at our children for just being children, or pull out our own hair… but truth is… WE ARE TIRED!!! You are not alone Momma! We are all tired!! 
I have come to the realization lately, that I have NO CONTROL over anything that happens and I literally have to just smile through the crap and laugh like I should be committed, because I literally CAN… NOT… control anything anymore. I don’t give a flying crap, if my house is a mess anymore. I have a 22 month old BOY!!!! He’s a one person wrecking ball, not matter how many times I go behind him and pick up… and he’s learned to climb my kitchen counters, and while this give me a heart attack – he thinks it’s HILARIOUS! He also seems to think watching Moana or Trolls for the 247th time, is still entertainment… while I on the other hand could perform a one woman show of either movie… BUT, despite all of this… and being so tired I can barely function… I prevail, I get up every morning and do it all over again… I have no idea how, I have no idea where the strength to just keep moving comes from, but it’s there… and the ONLY thing I can contribute it to, is that I’m a mom… What other choice is there???? If you’re like me, and you’re tired… You are not alone… we can cling to this life by our fingernails together, and we can fake smile together, and we can ugly cry in our showers (well, not together, but you get it)
I have a faith in God, that allows me to do all these things, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it… Even when I have no idea what to pray for, even when I want to give up, I hold on to my faith, and the song I’m sharing with you, is my every day plea, to keep turning to God when things are unimaginable and I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so tired I can’t do anything else. I hope you enjoy!
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Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart is torn in pieces, It’s my offering. Take me to the king.
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few, I’m trying to pray, But where are you? I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused, I can’t fake, What’s left to do? Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight, No tears to cry, Even if I tried, But still my soul, Refuses to die, One touch-will change-my life.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Please take me to the king, Truth is it’s time, To stop playing these games, We need a word, For the people’s pain, So lord speak right now, Let it fall like rain, We’re desperate, We’re chasing after you, No rules, no religion ,I’ve made my decision, To run to you, The healer that I need.
 
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And to sing to you this song, Take me to the, Lord we’re in the way ,We keep making mistakes, Glory is not for us. Its all for you
 
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart’s torn to pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone. To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Take me to the king!
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Dear Struggling Unicorn Mom

Dear Unicorn Moms,

I know that I am not the only one out there, that struggles and constantly feels exhausted. One of my favorite “Unicorn, Truth-Bomb” Mom’s Kristina Kuzmic, recently put a video out about this exact topic.


I am one of these moms. I ride the struggle bus, I am exhausted, and I am scared of messing up, EVERY DAY! My family is going through a struggle that I wouldn’t wish on any parent, d8c956c45ee485b31f7ddcad315155f1--wise-words-so-truestep-parent or guardian. It’s exhausting, and I second guess every decision I make. I question whether, my pursuant of our situation is the right thing for this family or if we are causing more damage. I must put a lot of faith in my God, that he’s guiding me to make the best decisions possible for my family. I feel like I’m holding a rope that’s burning from both ends and that I might break out in uncontrollable tears at any moment. However, I also know, that like any good mother… we fight back those feelings of falling apart, to put on a good front for our family, to show how strong we are, that we “Got This” – that they don’t need to worry about anything, because “Momma has this handled” – well guess what??? Momma doesn’t know what the holy hell she’s doing. BOOM! There it is… I am blowing up our whole secret, most of us have NO IDEA, WHAT WE ARE DOING… and those of you that have it all figured out, you deserve a freaking metal, and please swing by my house and shed some insight for me, because I would love the help. Instead, I’m going to continue making split moment decisions, hoping they are the right choices for everyone, and making sure my son and step daughter are well provided for, fed, clothed, bathed… and hope that even when they are raging mad at me, and throwing tantrums or refusing to hear me, that one day they will look back on all this moment to moment chaos and realize, I truly did my very best for them, and that I loved them with my entire heart every moment of every day despite the struggles. Let’s face it, that’s all any of us can do as parents, we have one job, to love and care for our kids and make sure they have what they “NEED” (not want) in life to make them successful human beings. imagesMoral of this rant, we need to stop comparing ourselves to moms that look like they have it all together, because everyone one of us have struggles… and we need to stop mom shaming when we think a mom is not doing it right… she might be holding on by a threat in that moment you see her. Offer any help, to a fellow mom, if you know she’s struggling, most of us moms are too proud to admit we need the help and would love for someone to just come to the rescue without us asking. Take care of one another, this mom thing is HARD, raising humans is HARD, and we all need someone to help us sometimes.

~ Hot Mess Unicorn Mom

Love Thoughts

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. I think it’s easy when you’re young, you hope that this person or that person will be the right one, the one you are going to love forever, but this is almost NEVER the case, usually because you wish something up so much in your head that you turn it into something it’s not. The first guy I ever loved was someone I knew in the seventh grade. We talked about boating and spending the summers on Lake Erie; he was my first ‘real’ kiss. The last guy I love will be someone I maybe haven’t even met yet.  324444-love-ballons

All of these loves count. Then there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. They are the ones that will tear your heart apart and they are the ones that will put it back together. They are the ones who change you with each of their encounters. I feel like I’m in the middle of one of these loves now. This love is changing my life every day, it’s changing my perspective sometimes for the better. This love is teaching me patience and tolerance. This love is testing every last nerve I have and makes me feel like I’m going insane.

Then there’s one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes the definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but this person is the end all, be all to how you love and view love and accept love. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you want love to be, the person who defines your understanding of love and they are inherently different from anyone else. They’re often the person you happen to meet and in your first encounter you know you really want to love that person. They are the one you will spend the rest of your life, controlled by how you feel about everyone else. The person that you never stop wondering about long after they are gone.