Loyalty vs. Faithfulness

Is there a difference between Loyal and Faithful; or are they two sides to the same coin?

Can someone be loyal without being faithful, or faithful without being loyal?

loyal vs faithful
Loyal and faithful are words in English language that have similar meaning. Many people use these words interchangeably as if these words are synonymous. Though the two words are used in place of one another in many contexts and hold subtle differences.

If you look in the dictionary, both ‘faithful’ and ‘loyal’ show very similar definitions, even showing that the two words are relatively interchangeable.

Loyal: Faithful to one’s sovereign, government, commitments, obligations. Faithful to a leader, party, cause or to any person or thing conceived as deserving fidelity, vows or allegiances.

Faithful: Loyal, constant, reliable, trusted, true to one’s word, promises, vows, obligation and allegiances.

Loyalty is earned through past kindness, friendship, experiences and commitments that have been laid out in the past. You become loyal to a brand or product because it showed its quality, just as you are loyal to individuals in your life, based on the experiences you’ve been through together. It is our capacity for loyalty that binds us together.

Faithfulness, is what reaches back to us from the future. Faithfulness is based on a promise or a hope, it hasn’t happened yet, you need believe that it will. We cannot live solely for the sake of what has been, but for the hopeful vision of what can be, what will be… that hopeful vision is Faith, what is still to come.

So, apply that back to my original question, the answer is YES, there’s a difference between Loyal and Faithful. Loyalty is what has been earned based on the past, Faithfulness is the hope for the future. Now, can someone be ‘loyal’ without being ‘faithful’; yes, again. You can have loyalty to someone, based on their past dedications to you, while simultaneously believing that that they may not be capable of being faithful in the future. Just as such, you can believe that someone can be faithful, in the future, without ever having a past loyalty to them.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, my life seems to be in a constant state of mess, and I have a lot of doubts for my future. These doubts have led me to down the rabbit hole, which is what has prompted this post. I question the loyalty and faithfulness of my relationship. I know that my SO is ‘loyal’ to this family, will do anything that needs to be done. I know that I can call on him when I need help, if our son needs something, he does it… I have no doubts whatsoever that in the event of need, he will be there, he is ‘loyal’ to us. I am almost 100% certain however, that he’s not ‘faithful’ to us. I don’t believe that it is within his capacity to be ‘faithful’. He is incredibly narcissistic and requires a lot of validation. That narcissism often drives him to find validation and attention in places that would be considered ‘inappropriate’ by most people. Which then begs the question, should it matter? If you know that you can count on someone 100% to be there when you need them, to share the day to day obligations of your life, is it important whether they may not be 100% faithful? I’m finding that loyalty doesn’t have a gray area… it’s black or white, you’re either loyal or you’re not; while faithfulness has a multitude of gray shades. What one might consider infidelity, another may not.

Technology and social media have made it so easy for people to present themselves in any way they want to be seen. It has turned the better portion of society into narcists, constantly seeking likes, hearts, views. Only ever presenting the very best version of ourselves that we want the public to see. When in reality the truth is we are not filtered or glittered, angled, groomed or made up 99% of the time. We have all become so encompassed by what other people think of us, that we have forgotten the value of loyalty and faithfulness. These two words again, are so different, but yet the same. Why do we allow these ‘inappropriate’ actions create doubt in our relationships? Social Media likes, are today’s modern, “look buy don’t touch” – Shouldn’t the earned actions of past loyalty hold more weight than the doubt of faithfulness brought on by a false reality of people we don’t even know?

I honestly don’t know the answer, I don’t know if one is more important than the other, I don’t know if I even care. I do think that what is important to one person won’t matter to another. I do know that I value the loyalty of those in my life. I know that proven behavior of consistency and reliability of their allegiances holds more weight than trying to predict someone’s future behaviors.

As adults, we have the ability to design the life we want, no two friendships, no two relationships, are the same.  We all possess free will, to choose what we allow for ourselves. While I see myself as both a loyal and faithful person, that doesn’t mean that my SO or my friends are. It’s a matter of comfort. Ultimately, what am I willing to accept for my life? Maybe I’m okay with only having loyalty, and leaving faithfulness in the gray area.

Like I said, a rabbit hole…

rabbit hole



Truth is… I’m tired

A song came on today, Tamala Mann, Take me to the King, and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. As moms, we hide so much about what is really going on with us, to maintain a strong front for those we care for, and seriously… TRUTH IS… I’M TIRED… I’m so tired, tired of putting a fake smile, tired of powering through each day, barely hanging on by my fingernails, tired of fixing things that just need to be thrown away, tired of fighting all the time, tired of crying all the time…. I’m T.I.R.E.D!!!! 
But, as any mom knows… being tired, doesn’t change all the things that still need to be taken care of, we power through, not because we “have” to, but because we’re moms! We put on smiles, and we play silly games with 


our kids and we fix the things that should be thrown away, because that’s just what we do. Mom’s don’t have time for meltdowns or downtime, it’s never downtime when you’re a mom… you have to be on the ball 24/7 – and not just “on the ball” but you’re balancing on that ball by one foot, a handful of dishes and pots and pans from making dinner in one hand, and stacks of mail that hasn’t been addressed in the other, all while trying to check your email or update your social media with the latest cute picture of your family, and a dog is barking and your kid pulling on the edge of your shirt, while he’s trying to wipe his nose on you, and STILL…. WE SMILE!!! 
Through our smile, we are gritting our teeth, trying desperately not to strangle our spouses/partners, or yell at our children for just being children, or pull out our own hair… but truth is… WE ARE TIRED!!! You are not alone Momma! We are all tired!! 
I have come to the realization lately, that I have NO CONTROL over anything that happens and I literally have to just smile through the crap and laugh like I should be committed, because I literally CAN… NOT… control anything anymore. I don’t give a flying crap, if my house is a mess anymore. I have a 22 month old BOY!!!! He’s a one person wrecking ball, not matter how many times I go behind him and pick up… and he’s learned to climb my kitchen counters, and while this give me a heart attack – he thinks it’s HILARIOUS! He also seems to think watching Moana or Trolls for the 247th time, is still entertainment… while I on the other hand could perform a one woman show of either movie… BUT, despite all of this… and being so tired I can barely function… I prevail, I get up every morning and do it all over again… I have no idea how, I have no idea where the strength to just keep moving comes from, but it’s there… and the ONLY thing I can contribute it to, is that I’m a mom… What other choice is there???? If you’re like me, and you’re tired… You are not alone… we can cling to this life by our fingernails together, and we can fake smile together, and we can ugly cry in our showers (well, not together, but you get it)
I have a faith in God, that allows me to do all these things, even when I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it… Even when I have no idea what to pray for, even when I want to give up, I hold on to my faith, and the song I’m sharing with you, is my every day plea, to keep turning to God when things are unimaginable and I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so tired I can’t do anything else. I hope you enjoy!
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart is torn in pieces, It’s my offering. Take me to the king.
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few, I’m trying to pray, But where are you? I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused, I can’t fake, What’s left to do? Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight, No tears to cry, Even if I tried, But still my soul, Refuses to die, One touch-will change-my life.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Please take me to the king, Truth is it’s time, To stop playing these games, We need a word, For the people’s pain, So lord speak right now, Let it fall like rain, We’re desperate, We’re chasing after you, No rules, no religion ,I’ve made my decision, To run to you, The healer that I need.
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone, To gaze upon your glory, And to sing to you this song, Take me to the, Lord we’re in the way ,We keep making mistakes, Glory is not for us. Its all for you
Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, My heart’s torn to pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne, Leave me there alone. To gaze upon your glory, And sing to you this song, Take me to the king!

When Faced with Great Challenges

Woman swaying treeLife is an incredible symphony of experience and regardless of how happy, content and optimistic you are, there will be dark days to confront and endure. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s part of being human.

For many, the natural inclination in these dark moments is to focus on being “strong”. To fight; withstand; push through; conquer. But the natural fact is that you are already strong enough to endure anything and your body, your mind and your soul are resilient enough to make it through even the toughest, darkest situations. You will breathe, you will awake, you will continue and you will overcome.

It’s not strength you need — you are already strong.

So, it is not strength you need to summon on those dark, dark days; that is a quality inherent within you. Instead, there are five pillars of light that can help you find your way through any darkness; five flickers of grace that can ease the burden of any situation. These assets are also in your emotional tool-box and I believe it is these qualities that you are wise to search for within yourself, when the road seems most unbearable:


The first step in healing a situation — really healing it — is to allow yourself the opportunity to be honest. Firstly, be honest about how you feel. That means all of your emotions, not just the ones on the surface or the ones that are socially acceptable. By acknowledging and confronting everything you feel, you take the power away from your emotions. They can no longer control you.

Secondly, be honest about your own actions, choices and intentions that may have contributed to the current situation. This can be hard to do, as we are often taught that that there is a “right” and a “wrong” and we have been encouraged to judge ourselves and others if the “right” path is not followed. However, if you can be honest with yourself about your past choices, you open yourself up to a new level of understanding.

falling apart


If you can find the grace to forgive others for their actions, you can truly set yourself free from pain. Deepak Chopra teaches us to “forgive others, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it.” Forgiveness does not mean you condone someone’s actions or intent; it does not excuse someone for their behavior or pardon them from all consequence. Instead, forgiveness is the intimate act of accepting what was, and what is. It is a powerful surrender to the fact that what has happened cannot be changed.

Forgiveness for others is often encouraged but remember, it is just as important to forgive yourself — for the emotions you feel, the actions you take, the words you say and the choices you make. You deserve your own mercy. Please offer if freely.


If you have a religion that inspires you, turn to it. If you have spiritual belief that resonates with you, embrace it. If you have an intimate connection to magick, or nature, or energy, or a more practical belief in the intelligence and fortitude of humankind, summon it. As Plato said, “We are twice armed if we fight with faith”.

There can be a purpose, a reason, for any dark experience. Drawing upon faith can either reveal that purpose to you, or help you design one that will carry you forward.



Gratitude is immensely powerful. If you can find one thing to be grateful for, for just a few seconds, then it is a few seconds that you are not living in the darkness. In those moments of gratitude, your body will respond, your emotions will begin to heal and you will open yourself up to wondrous new solutions and opportunities.

In times of great challenge, you are certainly not expected to be grateful for the “big things”. What is important is the ability to find something to give thanks for in a way that resonates through your entire body with truthfulness and conviction. “I am so grateful I had the self-control not to hit that guy!” or “I am grateful for the pain, for it means I have loved” or “I am grateful that the children are being taken care of and aren’t here to witness this.” There is no judgement on what you are thankful for; your sincere gratitude is what counts.


Too often, we shy away from vulnerability in our darkest moments because, somehow, it has come to be regarded as the opposite of strength. But the truth is that if you can allow your pain, anguish or suffering to be fully revealed in a safe space, then your experience becomes so much more authentic. This in turn makes your personal insights deeper, your connections with others (and yourself) more truthful and your eventual healing more profound.

Most importantly, being comfortable with your own vulnerability allows you to ask for, and accept, help from the healthiest sources — unconditionally loving friends and family, wise mentors or trusted professionals.


c/o ThriveGlobal


Dear Struggling Unicorn Mom

Dear Unicorn Moms,

I know that I am not the only one out there, that struggles and constantly feels exhausted. One of my favorite “Unicorn, Truth-Bomb” Mom’s Kristina Kuzmic, recently put a video out about this exact topic.

I am one of these moms. I ride the struggle bus, I am exhausted, and I am scared of messing up, EVERY DAY! My family is going through a struggle that I wouldn’t wish on any parent, d8c956c45ee485b31f7ddcad315155f1--wise-words-so-truestep-parent or guardian. It’s exhausting, and I second guess every decision I make. I question whether, my pursuant of our situation is the right thing for this family or if we are causing more damage. I must put a lot of faith in my God, that he’s guiding me to make the best decisions possible for my family. I feel like I’m holding a rope that’s burning from both ends and that I might break out in uncontrollable tears at any moment. However, I also know, that like any good mother… we fight back those feelings of falling apart, to put on a good front for our family, to show how strong we are, that we “Got This” – that they don’t need to worry about anything, because “Momma has this handled” – well guess what??? Momma doesn’t know what the holy hell she’s doing. BOOM! There it is… I am blowing up our whole secret, most of us have NO IDEA, WHAT WE ARE DOING… and those of you that have it all figured out, you deserve a freaking metal, and please swing by my house and shed some insight for me, because I would love the help. Instead, I’m going to continue making split moment decisions, hoping they are the right choices for everyone, and making sure my son and step daughter are well provided for, fed, clothed, bathed… and hope that even when they are raging mad at me, and throwing tantrums or refusing to hear me, that one day they will look back on all this moment to moment chaos and realize, I truly did my very best for them, and that I loved them with my entire heart every moment of every day despite the struggles. Let’s face it, that’s all any of us can do as parents, we have one job, to love and care for our kids and make sure they have what they “NEED” (not want) in life to make them successful human beings. imagesMoral of this rant, we need to stop comparing ourselves to moms that look like they have it all together, because everyone one of us have struggles… and we need to stop mom shaming when we think a mom is not doing it right… she might be holding on by a threat in that moment you see her. Offer any help, to a fellow mom, if you know she’s struggling, most of us moms are too proud to admit we need the help and would love for someone to just come to the rescue without us asking. Take care of one another, this mom thing is HARD, raising humans is HARD, and we all need someone to help us sometimes.

~ Hot Mess Unicorn Mom


Yea, He’s Cute… NOW


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Everyone comments on my son’s beautiful skin, his adorable curls. But I ask you this–what about when he’s 25, and his skin gets darker and his curls get tighter… what if he’s wearing baggy pants, maybe a hoodie or a baseball cap… will you lock your car doors or cross the street if he’s heading in your direction? Will you embrace and welcome him when he’s a full grown black man? Will you value his life the same way you value mine [as a white woman] Or like his Dad’s… [a black man] who gets pulled over for “following too closely” (at a stoplight) or for doing 3 miles per hour over the speed limit. il_340x270.1247147065_i4owWill you smile and take his ID and insurance card like you do mine? Or will you ask if he has warrants before even asking for his license, like his Dad? Will you make him get out of the car to check if it’s stolen? Will you shoot him if he gets an attitude… or while he’s handcuffed? When you see him on the street with his black friends, will you feel the same as when you see a group of white men? Will my son still be cute to you then? Will his life be as precious to you then as it is now, while he’s deemed harmless and not intimidating? Think about the human beings you are judging. Think about them being someone’s sweet baby, someone’s brother or sister, someone’s nephew or niece. LripVX6w.jpgThis is not about just Police. This is about all of us and how we shape our opinions and views of the world and its people. Our children are watching. I have the privilege of knowing some selfless, brave and admirable police officers. I respect them and trust them with my safety and that of my family. I know that one bad egg doesn’t ruin the whole dozen. This is a real, systemic problem that has started at home for each of us. Human beings need to be held accountable, police are no exception as they too, are human. So when you scroll past the inevitable stream of media regarding another white officer shooting a black man, or any ethnic, religious, or LGBT group that’s been targeted by hate crimes, I ask you to look inward and pay attention. My son needs your love not your ignorance, your compassion not your judgement. Have courage to stand next to someone who is fighting this very real battle for understanding, hug someone who is struggling from the pain and injustices they have faced. You might think, it’s not you, it’s not your family… but what if it were? Would you still stand by silently and let “someone else deal with it” or would you do everything within your power to change it for someone you care about?



Feel Good Friday

We’re going to start a “Feel Good Friday” – I don’t really know yet, what that’s going to look like every week, but I can assure you, it’ll be something that makes me happy. This week, I’m choosing music. Here are a few of my radio blasters these days. Enjoy!


Jax Jones – You Don’t Know Me

Duke Dumont – Ocean Drive

Mr. Probz – Fine Ass Mess

Yuna ft. Usher – Crush

Tritonal – Stranger

Lost Kings – Phone Down

Dirty South ft. Rudy –
Find A Way

R.LUM.R – Frustrated


Love Thoughts

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. I think it’s easy when you’re young, you hope that this person or that person will be the right one, the one you are going to love forever, but this is almost NEVER the case, usually because you wish something up so much in your head that you turn it into something it’s not. The first guy I ever loved was someone I knew in the seventh grade. We talked about boating and spending the summers on Lake Erie; he was my first ‘real’ kiss. The last guy I love will be someone I maybe haven’t even met yet.  324444-love-ballons

All of these loves count. Then there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. They are the ones that will tear your heart apart and they are the ones that will put it back together. They are the ones who change you with each of their encounters. I feel like I’m in the middle of one of these loves now. This love is changing my life every day, it’s changing my perspective sometimes for the better. This love is teaching me patience and tolerance. This love is testing every last nerve I have and makes me feel like I’m going insane.

Then there’s one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes the definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but this person is the end all, be all to how you love and view love and accept love. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you want love to be, the person who defines your understanding of love and they are inherently different from anyone else. They’re often the person you happen to meet and in your first encounter you know you really want to love that person. They are the one you will spend the rest of your life, controlled by how you feel about everyone else. The person that you never stop wondering about long after they are gone.